Twas the Night Before Chanukah


	'Twas the night before Chanukah
	and all over the place
	There was noise, there was kvetching
	Soch ah disgrace!
        
	The Kinderlach, sleeping, 
	uneasily felt
	The chocolate rush 
	from the Chanukah gelt

	And me in the easyboy, 
	so stuffed with latkes,
	I stretched the elastic 
	which held up my gatchkes.
        
	When up on the roof 
	(and it has a steep pitch)
	A fat alte kakker 
	was making a kvitsch.
	
	I jumped up real quick 
	and I ran to the door,
	Was it a bandeet, 
	or only a schnorrer?
	
	He wasn't alone; 
	he had eight ferdelach,
	And called them by name 
	as he gave a gebrach:
	
	"On Moishe, on Yankel, on Itzik, on Sam,
	On Mendel, on Shmendrik, on Feivush, on Ham;
	My kidneys are kvelling; 
	do you give a damn?"
	        
	He had a white beard 
	and payyes to boot,
	And to keep out the cold, 
	he had such a nice suit!
	
	A second from Peerless, 
	I could tell at a glance,
	But the cut was okay, 
	and so were the pants.
	
	He was triple XL, 
	a real groisser goof,
	So I yelled out, 
	"Meshuggener! Get off from Mein roof!"
	        
	He jumped down and said 
	as he shook hands with me,
	"Max Klaus is the name. 
	You have maybe some tea?"
		
	So I gave him a gleisel, 
	while he shook his white mop,
	Mutt'ring, "Always the same thing,
	They're dreying my kopp!"
	
	From Vancouver to Glacer Bay, 
	Outremont to Reginek,
	Every shmo in the world 
	hakks meir a cheinik!
	
	They're screaming for presents, 
	and challah with schmaltz,
	And from Brooklyn alone, 
	the back pain, gevaltz!"
	        
	So we sat and yentehed, 
	and we spun the old dreydels,
	(He took all of my money, 
	and one of my kanidels)
	
	He said, "Business is not bad, 
	a living I make,
	But I'm getting too old 
	for this Chanukah fake;
	
	And the cell phones, you see 
	how my pacemaker dings?
	For two cents I'd quit, 
	and move to Palm Springs?"
	
	And he gave a geshrei 
	as he fled mit a lacht,
	"Gut Yontiff to All, 
	Vey is Mir, Such a Nacht!"







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