What To Do With Thanksgiving Leftovers
Part of my job as a technical writer is to help produce the company
newsletter which goes to our clients. I was asked to come up with a
list (ala Letterman's Top Ten List) of funny things one can do with
Thanksgiving leftovers. I applied my head-bone to the problem for an
hour and came up with this list.
*** The entries below were deemed acceptable and went into the
Seal them in concrete and call it a time capsule. Send it to the
Smithsonian with instructions to open in 2096.
Mix some Elmer's glue into the mashed potatoes and use as spackle.
Flatten stuffing with rolling pin and bake until hard. Sell to local
lumber store as press/compound board.
Stick broccoli and celery sticks in potting soil and display as rare and
Liquefy leftovers according to colors. Sell as organic finger paints.
Mix whatever doesn't sell and repackage as vitamin-rich energy juice.
Carefully separate bones, dry thoroughly. Practice making Indian bone
Form mashed potatoes into replicas of ancient urns and vases. Use sweet
potatoes for a dash of color and to create authentic aging marks.
Whittle turkey ribs into reusable toothpicks.
*** The entries below were deemed NOT ACCEPTABLE for the newsletter ***
Refrigerate and save for when your least favorite relative comes for
dinner. Serve a dazzling dinner, and afterwards offer to make a doggie
bag for her/him. Stuff the thanksgiving leftovers in the doggie bag
Pile them all on one large platter and sculpt into likenesses of famous
Use as practice ammunition for that all-important Christmas food-fight
at your brother's house.
Freeze in little bags and save for Halloween next year. Hand them out
as prizes for "least-tasteful costume" and "oldest trick-or-treater."
Feed the turkey to your least-favorite neighbor's dog. Sell gas masks
to the neighbors at inflated prices.
Blend all leftovers thoroughly, pour into a plastic garbage bag. Put in
a bus station locker. Call FBI with a tip on Jimmi Hoffa's resting
Glue olives, celery sticks, etc. to create clever and whimsical
figurines. Sell at local craft fairs as Christmas presents.
Estimate dollar value of leftovers and send to IRS as "payment-in-kind"
like the fishermen do.
Secretly freeze selected leftovers. When needed defrost and mix in a
little water. Make gagging, hurling noises then display as evidence to
your parents that you are too sick to go to school today. Won't work if
your name is Ferris or Bueler.
Go for long walk in forest with brother or sister. Drop little bits of
leftovers as you go. When the witch in candy house tries to cook you,
follow your trail back home.
Put leftovers in boxes and wrap with festive holiday paper. Leave on
the sidewalk for slow-witted, unsuspecting criminals.
Seal into foil bags and label them "Gourmet K-Rations." Sell to the
Place into cylindrical containers and sell to the Army as biological
Mix with water to make a broth. Serve as "Potluck Surprise" at local
Stitch turkey skins together, stuff with sweet potatoes, sell as
organically created hackysacks.