Why Star Wars is better than Titanic
Titanic's big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential.
Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedimaterial;
Rose is just marriage bait.
Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say "Look at the size
of that thing!" and really mean it.
It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving
madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic
characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyedamphibians
Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats
his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because
he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.
Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.
Two words: John Williams.
There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the
If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he
would use the Force to get the key.
"I'd rather be his whore than your wife" just doesn't have the same
sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."
Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply
We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated
"Luke... I am your father"?
Han Solo would've missed the dang iceberg!
Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in
Titanic was a stupid minor character.
When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by half of
planet earth, George Lucas did not make a dork of himself at the Oscars.
b. cheat on your husband,
c. pose nude for pictures,
d. premarital sex is OK if you're infatuated.
Star Wars morals:
a. fight evil,
b. do good,
c. respect all life even if it's ugly and slithers,
d. rescue princess,
e. save planet.