Congregation Shomrei Emunah
Adult Education Committee
Special Seminar Series on Shadchanus

Shomrei Emunah, baruch Hashem, has reached an important life-
cycle. Many ofthe members are becoming involved in the "shidduch 
parsha" for their sons and daughters of marriageable age 
(@17.5 +/-10 years).  In recognition of the issues that such a 
situation raises, the shul will be offering a series of seminars 
for parents of prospective chassanim and kallahs. This seminar 
will include the following workshops given by noted local 
community experts:

*Getting your daughter into the "Right" Seminary

*Top ten Girls Seminaries in Israel to Avoid

*Seminary Directors in Israel Who Died and Made Them Kings?

*Application fees to seminaries in Israel: Larceny or an investment 
 Your Future.

* How to get your son into the top ten at Lakewood

*Yeshivonics: Translating grammatically incorrect speech into 

*Twenty-one and still single: Is she over-the-hill or Just Full of

*Getting top dollar for your Led Zeppelin and Grateful Dead tapes:  
A guide to local flea markets

*Going back in time:  How to Get YU and NCSY to disappear from 
your secret files.

*The most appropriate sefarim to have on your bookshelf (note: The
 first 50 registrants will be entered into a drawing for a $50 gift 
 certificate at Shabsi's Judaica

* How to obtain those Yeshiva Transcripts you never had

*How to master Shas in one week

*Lomdus 101:  Is it Possible to shlug-up the "nice boy", "nice girl"
 Gezara Shoveh

*Etymology 353:  A historical analysis of the word "nice" losing all

*Chumra crash course:  A primer to Yoshon, Cholov/Pas Yisrael,
 Gebrokhts, and separate seating/standing

*Your son-in-law the Doctor?!!  How to get to Shappard Pratt in a

*Understanding the hidden financial value of the "Masters in 
Education" degree

*Kitchen remodeling:  How to give an illusion of the double sink 
using mirrors from Home Depot
*Post Hoc Yichus Acquisition:  Creative and alternative approaches 
to tracing and documenting your family tree

*Shinui Shem:  Legally changing your daughter's last name to 
something more desirable
*Financial Planning I: Which set of books to show the (prospective)

*Financial Planning II: How to go into Hock with dignity and still
 cover your Kol Nidre Pledge

*Financial Planning III: Pre-Shidduch financial negotiation tactics

*Financial Planning IV:  Automatic payroll withdrawal to cross 
country manor and the Fountainbleu

*Playing Hardball:  Calling your future Mechutan's bluff

*Appreciating the Kollel work ethic:  A sociological analysis of the
 9am weekday Minyan at the Agudah

*How to hand over your credit cards and car keys with a smile

* Progressive stupidity in the Shidduch-Parsha parent: Why have 
we lost control of the situation?

*Understanding your daughter's fantasy of a $600 piece of fake hair 
on her head: A psychiatric case study

*Narishkeit Update:  A compilation of the New
"That's-Just-the-Way-it's-Done" Laws of the past 10 years

*Fashion Update I: A guide to color-coded snoods

*Fashion Update II: Wardrobe Rules for Vorts and Sheva Brochos

*Your first grandchild next year?:  A practical Shidduch Timetable 
for your dating child

*How to look at a 20-year-old boy in the Black Hat without cracking 
up: Behavior modification techniques for the 90's

*Understanding Shidduch Love in the current generation: It's not (in)
 your father's Oldsmobile

*How to break it off with a guy who expresses an interest in earning 
a living

*Understanding Twenty-First Century Demographics: Everyone's 

*Biting the Bullet:  Our obligation to continue support to schools 
with screwed-up-agendas.

Do you want to join?


Application Questionnaire into the Eligibility into the "Shidduch 

Introduction:  Not everyone is zocheh to enter to enter into the
"shidduch parsha".  It is a madrega that must be earned.  While 
anyone can "go out" or date, you must qualify to be part of our 
exclusive network of shidduch parsha  players (a.k.a., The Club).  
Based on your responses to the following questionnaire, we will 
determine whether you qualify or not. If you should qualify, you 
must agree to our code of conduct and play the game by OUR 
RULES.  At that point, we will periodically re-evaluate whether you 
and your parents are playing by THE RULES.  If not, we can
revoke your membership.  Then you and your parents will be "on 
your own". This means that you could end up making your own 
shidduch decision, using your own common sense (rachmana 
litzlan), rather than with the hadracha of shadchanim affiliated with 

Please respond to the following in an honest way (we have ways of
finding out whether you are telling the truth):

*Which best describes the way your mother covers her hair ?(circle 
a. hat on topof shaitel on top of bald shaved head b. hat on top of
shaitel on top of hair c. just a shaitel d. bullet-proof tichel e. snood
f. hat with snoodette g. hat or beret h. au naturale

* Which best describes the way your way Rabbi covers his head:
a. streimel or spuddik
b. hat on top of yarmulka
c. just a shaitel and a yarmulka

*Does your father wear a hat? (if yes, what color is it and how much
did he pay for it?)

_______Yes               _________No

Color_________         Cost_________

*Please indicate the material and size of your father's yarmulka
(measure to nearest inch of diameter)

Material____________    Size___________

*Which best describes where your family usually takes vacations 
a. Boro Park
b. Lakewood
c. Monsey
d. Eretz Yisrael
e. down d'Ocean, the Bahamas, or any other makom pritzus

*Prior to going out, have you ever held a "civilized conversation" 
with a member of the opposite sex who was your age (note: 
"civilized conversation" means more than 3.5 seconds).

____________Yes           _____________No

*Which establishment typifies where your family does most of its
a. Seven Mile Market
b. Mirakle Market
c. Food King
d. Edmart

*What sorts of bumper stickers does your family put on their car?
a. Moshiach-related topics
b. lashon harah-related topics
c. Shabbos-related topics
d. Israeli-political topics
e. Eat Bertha's Mussels

*Which best describes your family's approach to Yoshon?
a. We don't eat it year round
b. We are not Makpid year-round
c. We don't eat it until after Pesach
d. We prefer not to eat stale stuff, thank you
e. What's "Yoshon"?

*Which of the following best describes the hashgachas your family
a. Star-K 99% of the time; however, we will drink tap water
b. Star-K exclusively; we even take showers with Star-K bottled 
water c.
OU exclusively d. only the questionable ones e. We just look at the
ingredients to make sure there is nothing objectionable

*Does your father have a real job (real job is defined as anything
other than chinuch, kollel, or affiliated parnasah)?

_________Yes         __________No

*Does your mother have a real job?

_________Yes         __________No

(if either of the above two questions is a "yes", please enclose 
copies of
W-2's and tax returns)

*Have either of your parent's participated in NCSY? (If yes, please
stop and put this application in shaimos)

_________Yes             ___________No

* Have either of your parent's taken courses in a secular college? (If
yes, please stop and put this application in shaimos)

__________Yes           _____________No

*Have either of your parents attended Yeshiva University or Stern
College? (If yes, Please stop and put this application in shaimos)

___________Yes         ______________No

*How do your parents refer to each other when communicating?
a. "honey" or "dear"
b. as "Mr. Ploni" or "Mrs. Ploni"
c. in third person (e.g., "Would my husband like his chulent now?" 
   "Can the Rebbitzen bring me my chulent now?")
d. pas nisht for either of my parents to talk to anyone of the 
opposite sex

*Does your family's kitchen have one or two sinks? ovens?

__________# of sinks          ____________# of ovens

*Please respond in two sentences or morehow you would respond 
to the following situations and dilemmas:

*Shmerill comes to the door to pick you up for a date.  Your father
answers the door wearing a t-shirt and shorts.  Your Bais Yaakov 
teacher once said that there are times when it is O.K. to lie.  You 
consider telling Shmerill that your father is merely the guy who 
mows the lawn.  What would you do?

*A boy calls you for the first time.  You were expecting someone 
with a good frum name; however he uses an English name to 
identify himself.  What would you do?

*On a date, the boy admits that he once had aspirations of earning 
a legitimate college degree.  What would you do?

*On a date, the boy shows up without a hat.  However, he 
apologizes and says that your dog pooped on it after it fell off onto 
the sidewalk.  He shows you the hat.  What would you do?

*On a date, Velvel states that he only wants to be supported to 
learn in Kollel for 5 years.  After that, he only wants to be 
supported.  What would you do?

*You go out with a boy twice and really like him.  After that, the
shadchan calls and proposes to you on his behalf.  What would 
you do?

*On a third date, the boy reveals that he has found out from the
shadchan that your grandfather never completed Shas and he 
wants to break it off.  What would you do?

*You are set up with a Chassidic bochur who only dresses in long 
coats and knickers.  On the first date, you feel his payos are not 
long enough. What would you do?

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