Pregnancy Dictionary

	afterbirth -- when the hard part begins. 

	cravings -- an excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy. 

	dilation -- one of those things a pregnant woman has to take her 
			doctor's word for. 

	elastiphobia -- fear of making it into the Guinness Book of World 
			Records for  "Most Stretch Marks." 

	first trimester -- the first three months of pregnancy when you 
			wonder,  "Is it too late to hire a surrogate mother?" 

	maternity clothes -- what a pregnant woman wears to show people 
			there's a reason she's fat. 

	miracle -- (1) the birth of a baby. (2) The fact that you lived to 
			tell about it. 

	obstetrician -- the doctor who tells you you're doing fine when you 
			think you're caught in the jaws of death. 

	pregnant pause -- the amount of time it takes for a nine-month 
			pregnant woman to get out of a chair. 

	prenatal -- when your life was still your own. 

	pushing -- the final effort to get a ten-pound baby through an 
			opening the size of a dime. 

	second trimester -- the time when you ask the question, "Will my 
			husband notice if I eat this gallon of ice cream and 
			side of beef before he gets home?" 

	third trimester -- the final months of pregnancy when you wonder, 
			"How much longer can I keep from waddling?" 

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