afterbirth -- when the hard part begins.
cravings -- an excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.
dilation -- one of those things a pregnant woman has to take her
doctor's word for.
elastiphobia -- fear of making it into the Guinness Book of World
Records for "Most Stretch Marks."
first trimester -- the first three months of pregnancy when you
wonder, "Is it too late to hire a surrogate mother?"
maternity clothes -- what a pregnant woman wears to show people
there's a reason she's fat.
miracle -- (1) the birth of a baby. (2) The fact that you lived to
tell about it.
obstetrician -- the doctor who tells you you're doing fine when you
think you're caught in the jaws of death.
pregnant pause -- the amount of time it takes for a nine-month
pregnant woman to get out of a chair.
prenatal -- when your life was still your own.
pushing -- the final effort to get a ten-pound baby through an
opening the size of a dime.
second trimester -- the time when you ask the question, "Will my
husband notice if I eat this gallon of ice cream and
side of beef before he gets home?"
third trimester -- the final months of pregnancy when you wonder,
"How much longer can I keep from waddling?"