The Tourists' Prayer
Heavenly Father, Look down on us your humble, obedient
tourist servants, who are doomed to travel this earth,
taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs
and walking around in drip-dry underwear.
We beseech you lord, to see that our luggage is not lost
and our overweight baggage does unnoticed at the customs.
Give us this day divine guidance in the selection of our
hotels that we may find our reservation honored, our rooms
made up and hot water running from the faucets.
Lead us, Dear L-rd, to good inexpensive restaurants where
the food is superb, the waiter friendly and wine included
in the price of the meal.
Give us wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not
understand. Forgive us for under tipping out of ignorance
and over tipping our of fear. Make the natives love us for
what we are and not for what we can contribute to their
Grant us the strength to visit the museums, the Cathedrals,
the palaces and the castles listed as "musts" in the guidebooks.
And if, perchance, we skip and historic monument, to take a nap
after lunch, have mercy on us for out flesh is weak.
(This part of the prayer is for husbands)
Dear G-d, keep our wives from shopping sprees and protect them
from "bargains" they don't need or can't afford. Lead them not
Into temptation, for they know not what they do.
(This part of the prayer is for the wives)
Almighty Father, keep our husbands from leering at the foreign
women and comparing them to us. Save them from making fools of
themselves in cafes and nightclubs, for they know exactly what
And when our trip is over and we return to our loved ones, grant
us the favor of finding someone who will look at our home movies
and listen to our stories so our lives as tourists will not have
Been in vain.