The Tourists' Prayer

Heavenly Father, Look down on us your humble, obedient
tourist servants, who are doomed to travel this earth, 
taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs 
and walking around in drip-dry underwear.

We beseech you lord, to see that our luggage is not lost 
and our overweight baggage does unnoticed at the customs.

Give us this day divine guidance in the selection of our 
hotels that we may find our reservation honored, our rooms
made up and hot water running from the faucets.

Lead us, Dear L-rd, to good inexpensive restaurants where 
the food is superb, the waiter friendly and wine included 
in the price of the meal.

Give us wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not 
understand.  Forgive us for under tipping out of ignorance 
and over tipping our of fear.  Make the natives love us for
what we are and not for what we can contribute to their
worldly goods.

Grant us the strength to visit the museums, the Cathedrals,
the palaces and the castles listed as "musts" in the guidebooks.  
And if, perchance, we skip and historic monument, to take a nap 
after lunch, have mercy on us for out flesh is weak.

(This part of the prayer is for husbands)

Dear G-d, keep our wives from shopping sprees and protect them 
from "bargains" they don't need or can't afford.  Lead them not
Into temptation, for they know not what they do.

(This part of the prayer is for the wives)

Almighty Father, keep our husbands from leering at the foreign 
women and comparing them to us.  Save them from making fools of
themselves in cafes and nightclubs, for they know exactly what 
they do.

(Everyone)

And when our trip is over and we return to our loved ones, grant
us the favor of finding someone who will look at our home movies
and listen to our stories so our lives as tourists will not have 
Been in vain.