New Customs For Rosh Hashanah

by the Editors of JCN

	* Anyone guilty of talking during services must apologize to the entire 

	* Celebrate 5758 by sampling every one of Heinz' 5757 varieties 

	* Celebrate an interactive Sukkot with lulavand@rog 

	* Close up the Roach Motel in honor of Roach Hashanah 

	* Dance the Machatanasta - Oy, Macarena 

	* Get a jazz band to back up the shofar blowing 

	* Have the annual article on the High Holidays in the local paper written by 
		someone who knows what Judaism is all about 

	* Instead of auctioning aliyahs, auction prayer breaks for snoozing 

	* Keep the kids in Junior Congregation ALL DAY 

	* Make Rosh Hashana a national USA holiday so we can have another 3-day weekend 
		and shut up those who call USA a Christian country 

	* New addition to Al Chet prayer for a certain Presidential candidate: For the 
		sin of election year conversion to a pro-Israel stance, despite having one 
		of the most anti-Israel records in the Senate 

	* Pour honey over you Mac 

	* Pray for humor 

	* Prove your fidelity to family values by celebrating RUSH Hashanah 

	* Require ALL Jews to observe both days of Rosh Hashanah so boss won't ask - Why 
		do you take two days off, while Shapiro only takes one 

	* Sprinkle bread crumbs in the water so the fish will be able to follow you home 

	* Ten minute time limit on how long the Cantor can spend on one paragraph during 

	* Twenty minute time limit on the Rabbi's sermons 


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