Mrs Webster's Dictionary

	Definitions as they would appear in Mrs. Webster's Dictionary. 

	Aaaack (aak) interj. An utterance upon running directly into a spider web first 
		thing in the morning - and you don't know where the spider is now. 

	Airhead (er-hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a cop. 
	Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he 
		just hasn't realized it yet. 

	Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v. To go to the cash machine and 
		hit "inquire." 

	Bar-be-que (bar-bi-q) n.You bought groceries, washed lettuce, chopped tomatoes, 
		diced onions, marinated meat and cleaned everything up, but he "made 

	Baseball Bat (bas-bol bat) n. An anti-burglar device. 

	Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.  Jokes that are short so men can understand them. 

	Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n  Gotta get married in a church. 

	Childbirth (child*brth) n.  You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he 
		gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breathe...push..." 

	Children (chil-dren) n. What men become when they get the flu. 

	Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.  An appliance designed to eat socks. 

	Computer (kom-pew-ter) n. The one thing in a woman's life that does exactly what 
		she tells it to. 

	Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.  A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a 
		half pound bag of peanut M&Ms. 

	Dog (dawg) n. A creature who hears a burglar, barks once, then hides in the closet. 

	Eternity (e-ter-ni-tee) n.  The last two minutes of a football game. 

	Exercise  (ex*er*siz)  v.   To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to 
		make a purchase.

	Four Food Groups (for food groups) n. Chocolate, cheesecake, potato chips & ice 

	Grocery List (grow-ser-ee list) n.  What you spend half-an-hour writing, then 
		forget to take with you to the store. 

	Home (hom) n. A dwelling that ideally has the same number of bathrooms as people. 

	Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will 
		never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician." 

	Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, 
		he isn't coming out anytime soon. 

	Lipstick (lip*stik) n On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. 
		On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear. 

	Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." 
		After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide. 

	Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and 
		children. See also "tranquilizers". 

	Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight 
		dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card. 

	Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or 
		swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it. 

	Zillion (zil*yen) n The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, 
		then end up doing it yourself anyway. 

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