You might be a Jewish Redneck if...

By Terry Kleger

	* Your favorite foods are Gefilte Fish and Grits.
	* You think Dolly Parton should have had the lead role in Yentl.
	* You can't decide what to do when Yom Kippur and the first day 
		of hunting season fall on the same day.
	* You keep writing to the Grand Ol' Opry for Fiddler On The Roof 
	* When the Rabbi announces that a pick-up truck is blocking the 
		driveway, everyone looks towards you.

	* You wear Cowboy Boots to your son's Bar Mitzvah.
	* You do all your Chanukah shopping at yard sales and flea markets.
	* Despite traditional Jewish emphasis on higher education, you never
		pursued your G.E.D.
	* You want to move your work to another station in life - from 
		Shell to Exxon.

	* For safekeeping you leave your NRA Membership Card in your 
		tallis bag.
	* You look for "Thank G-d I'm A Country Boy" in your synagogue 
		prayer book.
	* Your favorite Passover snack is Spam on matzah.
	* You think a mitzvoh is a Japanese car.
 	* You can't believe the K-Mart 'BlueLight' Specials you got your
		daughter for her Bat Mitzvah.

	* You're still looking for "Hava Nagila" by Elvis.
	* You're disappointed when your son tells you he wants to be a 
		doctor or a lawyer and not a NASCAR driver.
	* Your Chanukah decorations include a Star Of David hanging from a
		plastic Pink Flamingo.
	* You feed your Hound Dogs corned beef scraps.(mw) 

	* You have a Menorah tatooed on your chest.
	* Your favorite fast food is a BLT- Bacon, Lox, and Tomato sandwich.
	* You have a  SkullCAP And Crossbones insignia on your motorcycle 

	* You  break Yom Kippur fast at your favorite truck stop.
	* You invite the Rabbi to give the invocation at the next Mudhop.

	* You joined a "Conservative" congregation because you like Jerry

	* You ask your synagogue's Cultural Appreciation Committe to 
		organize a bus trip to West Virginia. 

	* Your Hebrew vocabulary consists of all the curse worlds used by 
		Israeli sailors. 

	* You think your synagogue services should conclude with Hatikva and

	* You're offended when asked to check your gun at the synagogue 
		office before entering the sanctuary.  

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