You know those house flags that everyone seems to be flying
from their homes announcing everything from "It's a Boy" or
"Happy Thanksgiving" to the truely bizarre and confusing, like
the frog jumping or the cows with lavandar udders. Flying a flag
from your flagpole could express alot about a person.
Well I think that there are a few flags that should be made to
help let all our neighbors know a bit more about us and what
goes on in our homes.
Here are a few flag ideas that i would love to see:
Warning others of emotional high seas,this flag would feature an
overstretched rubber band on a pure black background. Lightning
bolts would be optional. It could be flown from your house to
warn significant others that now is not a good time for
requesting a bigger allowence; to forecast when take-out might
be served for dinner; or to explain why the skirt looks a bit tight
through the hips, and why that should not under any circumstances
THE REPAIRMAN COMETH
While flying this silver flag with the big smiley face will attract
some skeptics, its appearance is bound to restore the belief in
true miracles. Hope will be restored in the hearts of those who
have wasted entire personal days waiting in vain, trying to attract
the plumber, electrician, or cable guy.
BAD HAIR DAY
To transmit the angst of a bad hair day I think this flag should
feature the theatrical tragedy mask. Surround it with great
writhing wads of yarn that remind one of Medusa's doo. This
would be the universal symbol of the really bad perm. Unfurling
this banner will warn friends and family to stifle any comments
that might be less than complimentary.
ROMANTIC EVENING IN PROGRESS
The outline of a champagne glass and candles could signal to
various friends and relatives that this evening is a bad time to
barge in and ask for help assembling the new gas grill. Extra
Bonus: For women with forgetful partners,this banner could be
used several days before a anniversary as a reminder.
THE DIET IS ON
On a spinich green background,place a pasta white sheild
featuring for carrots, a chicken breast and three summer
sqaush.Add a blue border to symbolize the eight glasses of
water. This banner would give heart to fellow neighbors on the
same journey, as well as discourage family members from
expecting meals featuring nachos and cheesecake.
WE"LL GET AROUND TO IT
When your lawn is knee-high,this flag of a spiffy red mower on a
field of green would signal to your neighbors that negotiations
are in progress as to who should go out and tame nature. In lawn
proud areas this banner will soothe and discourage remarks about
"standing hay".Stitch the latin motto "Scimus ulcus esse" across
the bottom. Roughly translated this means, "Yes we know we are
PARENTAL VISIT IN PROGRESS
Three white stick figures on a background of solid red. Two of the
figures would tower over the third to portray the truly amazing
shift in psychological size that occurs the minute your parents
cross your threshold. This would warn all of your friends to avoid
visiting unless they want to be entertained by the numerous
stories from your childhood.
SUPERWOMAN IS DEAD
The 80's encouraged woman be a culinary expert, finacial wizard,
full of domestic wisdom,and have a body of steel. The 90's flag
would make a more radical statement. It would feature Superwoman
collapsed in a lounger. This flag could not only plead for help
but also signal surrender. It would say "Sure I am capable of
doing it, but hey,I'm tired !"