House Flags


	You know those house flags that everyone seems to be flying
	from their homes announcing everything from "It's a Boy" or
	"Happy Thanksgiving" to the truely bizarre and confusing, like 
	the frog jumping or the cows with lavandar udders.  Flying a flag 
	from your flagpole could express alot about a person.

	Well I think that there are a few flags that should be made to
	help let all our neighbors know a bit more about us and what
	goes on in our homes.
	
	Here are a few flag ideas that i would love to see:
	 
	PMS ALERT
	Warning others of emotional high seas,this flag would feature an
	overstretched rubber band on a pure black background.  Lightning
	bolts would be optional.  It could be flown from your house to
	warn significant others that now is not a good time for
	requesting a bigger allowence; to forecast when take-out might
	be served for dinner; or to explain why the skirt looks a bit tight
	through the hips, and why that should not under any circumstances 
	be mentioned.
	 
	THE REPAIRMAN COMETH
	While flying this silver flag with the big smiley face will attract
	some skeptics, its appearance is bound to restore the belief in
	true miracles.  Hope will be restored in the hearts of those who
	have wasted entire personal days waiting in vain, trying to attract
	the plumber, electrician, or cable guy.
	 
	BAD HAIR DAY
	To transmit the angst of a bad hair day I think this flag should
	feature the theatrical tragedy mask.  Surround it with great
	writhing wads of yarn that remind one of Medusa's doo.  This
	would be the universal symbol of the really bad perm.  Unfurling
	this banner will warn friends and family to stifle any comments
	that might be less than complimentary.
 
	ROMANTIC EVENING IN PROGRESS
	The outline of a champagne glass and candles could signal to
	various friends and relatives that this evening is a bad time to
	barge in and ask for help assembling the new gas grill.  Extra
	Bonus: For women with forgetful partners,this banner could be
	used several days before a anniversary as a reminder.
	 
	THE DIET IS ON
	On a spinich green background,place a pasta white sheild
	featuring for carrots, a chicken breast and three summer
	sqaush.Add a blue border to symbolize the eight glasses of
	water.  This banner would give heart to fellow neighbors on the
	same journey, as well as discourage family members from
	expecting meals featuring nachos and cheesecake.
	 
	WE"LL GET AROUND TO IT
	When your lawn is knee-high,this flag of a spiffy red mower on a
	field of green would signal to your neighbors that negotiations
	are in progress as to who should go out and tame nature.  In lawn
	proud areas this banner will soothe and discourage remarks about
	"standing hay".Stitch the latin motto "Scimus ulcus esse" across
	the bottom.  Roughly translated this means, "Yes we know we are
	an eyesore".
	 
	PARENTAL VISIT IN PROGRESS
	Three white stick figures on a background of solid red.  Two of the
	figures would tower over the third to portray the truly amazing
	shift in psychological size that occurs the minute your parents
	cross your threshold.  This would warn all of your friends to avoid
	visiting unless they want to be entertained by the numerous
	stories from your childhood.
	 
	SUPERWOMAN IS DEAD
	The 80's encouraged woman be a culinary expert, finacial wizard, 
	full of domestic wisdom,and have a body of steel.  The 90's flag 
	would make a more radical statement.  It would feature Superwoman 
	collapsed in a lounger.  This flag could not only plead for help 
	but also signal surrender.  It would say "Sure I am capable of 
	doing it, but hey,I'm tired !"
 






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