Genesis 1


	In the beginning God created Dates. And the date was Monday, July 4,
	4004 B.C.. And God said, let there be light; and there was light. And
	when there was Light, God saw the Date, that it was Monday, and he got
	down to work; for verily, he had a Big Job to do.

	And God made pottery shards and Silurian mollusks and pre-Cambrian
	limestone strata; and flints and Jurassic Mastodon tusks and Picanthopus
	erectus skulls and Cretaceous placentals made he; and those cave
	paintings at Lasceaux. And that was that, for the first Work Day.

	And God saw that he had made many wondrous things, but that he had not
	wherein to put it all. And God said, Let the heavens be divided from the
	earth; and let us bury all of these Things which we have made in the
	earth; but not too deep. And God buried all the Things which he had
	made, and that was that. And the morning and the evening and the
	overtime were Tuesday.

	And God said, Let there be water; and let the dry land appear; and that
	was that. And God called the dry land Real Estate; and the water called
	he the Sea. And in the land and beneath it put he crude oil, grades one
	through six; and natural gas put he thereunder, and prehistoric
	carboniferous forests yielding anthracite and other ligneous matter; and
	all these called he Resources; and he made them Abundant. And likewise
	all that was in the sea, even unto two hundred miles from the dry land ,
	called he resources; all that was therein, like manganese nodules, for
	instance. And the morning unto the evening had been a long day; which he
	called Wednesday.

	And God said, Let the earth bring forth abundantly every moving creature
	I can think of, with or without backbones, with or without wings or
	feet, or fins or claws, vestigial limbs and all, right now ; and let
	each one be of a separate species. For lo, I can make whatsoever I like,
	whensoever I like. And the earth brought forth abundantly all creatures,
	great and small, with and without backbones, with and without wings and
	feet and fins and claws, vestigial limbs and all, from bugs to
	brontosauruses. But God blessed them all, saying, Be fruitful and
	multiply and Evolve Not.

	And God looked upon the species he hath made, and saw that the earth was
	exceedingly crowded, and he said unto them, Let each species compete for
	what it needed; for Healthy Competition is My Law. And the species
	competeth amongst themselves, the cattle and the creeping things; and
	some madeth it and some didn't; and the dogs ate the dinosaurs and God
	was pleased. And God took the bones from the dinosaurs, and caused them
	to appear mighty old; and cast he them about the land and the sea. And
	he took every tiny creature that had not madeth it, and caused them to
	become fossils; and cast he them about likewise. And just to put matters
	beyond the valley of the shadow of a doubt God created carbon dating.
	And this is the origin of species. And in the Evening of the day which
	was Thursday, God saw that he had put in another good day's work.
	
	And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, which is
	tall and well-formed and pale of hue: and let us also make monkeys,
	which resembleth us not in any wise, but are short and ill-formed and
	hairy. And God added, Let man have dominion over the monkeys and the
	fowl of the air and every speices, endangered or otherwise. So God
	created Man in His own image; tall and well-formed and pale of hue
	created He him, and nothing at all like the monkey.

	And God said, Behold I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is
	upon the face of the earth. But ye shalt not smoketh it, lest it giveth
	you ideas. And to every beast of the earth and every fowl of the air I
	have given also every green herb, and to them it shall be for meat. But
	they shall be for you. And the Lord God your Host suggesteth that the
	flesh of cattle goeth well with that of the fin and the claw; thus shall
	Surf be wedded unto Turf.

	And God saw everything he had made, and he saw that it was very good;
	and God said, It just goes to show Me what the private sector can
	accomplish. With a lot of fool regulations this could have taken
	billions of years. And the evening of the fifth day, which had been the
	roughest day yet, God said, Thank me it's Friday. And God made the
	weekend.







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