The Romance Quiz That OutCosmo's Cosmo!

By Kit Lively

	Hey you!  Yes you, the one in the coonskin cap drinking ranch-style
	dressing straight from the bottle!  Take this quiz!

	Guys, How Romantic are you?
	1. The most appropriate and considerate gift to present to the lady on
		the first date is....
	   a. A refrigerator filled with clean-shaven dead monkeys.
	   b. A gift certificate for a free tango lesson given by Orville
	   c. A life-size, nude sculpture of George C. Scott made entirely out
		of cottage cheese.

	2. The best time to attempt to kiss the lady on the first date is...
	   a. After you've had sex.
	   b. Four hours after the date is over, by sneaking into her house and
		surprising her.
	   c. After you've just given her dad a back rub.

	3. What was the first thing that attracted you to your wife/girlfriend?
	   a. Her twelve year old daughter.
	   b. The way she had been granted the evil, powerful magic of Satan, so
		she could get into movie's free and stuff.
	   c. The fact that she wore the same dress size as me.

	4. Everyone knows that you love your wife/girlfriend, but if you could
		change just one thing about her, what would it be?
	   a. Her butt cheeks, which are like ziplock bags full of pancake
	   b. Her breath, which usually smells sort of like a slaughterhouse
		that's being used to store pickle barrels filled with used diapers.
	   c. Nothing.  Not a thing.  She is one hundred percent perfect, every
		man's dream.  See Honey?  See, I circled this one.  Now will you 
		let me take the camcorder into the bedroom?

	5. Which of the following is the famous quote Alexander the Great used
		to inspire the weary people of his kingdom after he returned from 
		his journey to the Endonites of Southern Angola?
	   a. Hey everybody, look what I brought back!  Caramel corn!
	   b. Do these pants make my bottom look too big?
	   c. I hope someone remembered to record "Days of Our Lives" for me.
	   d. Hey, alright, it's Polka Time

	ANSWERS:  Don't worry about it.  You're the man, so you can never be
		right anyway.

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