Clinton [Pre-Monicagate] Speech Translator

by Terry Peres

   Some key definitions to help decode Clinton's speeches.  More will be added
   as the president's meaning becomes clear.  Remember, do not attach
   meaning to words, it's symbolism that is important.

   all          - Clinton's constituency. as:  We ALL must make sacrifices
                  to restore America's economic health.

   ask          - Clintoneze for legislate. i.e. asking:legislating

   campaign     - actually, this is a misspelling.  It really is champagne

   promise        promise.

   change       - (verb) redefinition of the term "tax cut" to its true
                  meaning, "contribution". (noun) that portion of your
                  income that will now be heading to Washington, as:
                  The CHANGE we are asking for is necessary if we are to
                  restore America's (and, uh, Washington's) economy to number
                  one in the world.

   contribution - that portion of your "excess" income that Washington
                  believes it can make better use of than you.  This 
                  '90s term is designed to make you feel good while
                  Uncle Sam picks your pocket.  
                  Formerly known unpopularly as "taxes" (shhh. don't say the T
                  word out loud, it's not politically correct).

   courage      - ability to perform a humanitarian act or deed without regard 
                  to personal safety or welfare.  as: America had the COURAGE
                  to elect Bill Clinton as president.

   first lady   - this term has been replaced by the title "co-president"

   middle class - that portion of society whose range of income extends from 
                  the end of the poor to the beginning of the wealthy.
                  Also known as the mule class or the "burdened" class.

   poor         - what the middle class becomes after it makes
                  its contribution.

   sacrifice    - Clintoneze for the act of denying self in order to
                  make your contribution.  as: We must SACRIFICE for
                  the good of all.         
                  Formerly known as socialism, it has proven itself
                  effective in places such as China, Cuba, Rumania and 
                  the Soviet Union.  One need only talk to citizens
                  of these nations to see the effect.

   spending cuts- What the president promised during his campaign.  He will
                  help you make these by asking you to have the courage to make
                  your contribution.  as: Increased contributions must be 
                  balanced by the appropriate SPENDING CUTS.

   we           - You, me, us, them.  as: You know WE must sacrifice for
                  the good of all.         
                  Since the president and congress are none of the above,
                  they are not part of we.

   wealthy      - anyone making $1.00 a year more than you.
                  (elected officials are exempt).
                  This is the class of society that, to quote Commerce
                  Secretary, Ron Brown, "made out like bandits during the
                  '80's".  Mr. Brown didn't do too shabby himself during that
                  time.  He made hundreds of thousands annually lobbying
                  congress on behalf of several major Japanese corporations.
                  Of course now he is just a humble "servant" of the people.

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