The Pet Debate: Cats vs. Bacteria

Life as a graduate student or other student can get kind of lonely and it
would be nice to be able to go home to a loved one who is excited to see
you.  Having such a bizarre life style can cause problems though as pet
ownership is a big responsibility.  Thus, we at Aliquotes, would like to
make a suggestion which we hope will ease those lonely nights.  The
following is a list of reasons why one might consider having bacteria as
pets as opposed to the more traditional cat.  We hope that this is of

1.  A numbers game:  To get more cats (why you would want them is another
	question), you need at least two of the opposite sex.  With bacteria, 
	one will set you up for life.

2.  Sleepless nights:  Unlike cats, bacteria do not go into heat and will
	keep you awake all night crying for a little fun.

3.  Low maintenance:  There is no litter box to change and bacteria can be
	easily fed by adding more sugar to their medium.

4.  Vacation consideration: Bacteria do not require a neighbour's attention
	while you're away.  Just put them in the fridge and they'll stay 
	fresh.  This can also be done with cats but is heavily frown upon.

5.  Life in a vacuum:  While bacteria are also covered with hair (cilia),
	bun on a microscopic level, they do not feel the need to leave said 
	hairs all over the place.

6.  Exercise your rights:  You do not need to put your bacteria out for
	exercise.  Simply put them in a large flask and shake them for a few
	hours.  They are also easier to round up by using the centrifuge.

7.  Death before dishonour:  Bacteria will not bring dead animals into your
	house, displaying them proudly at dinner.  At worst a renegade 
	bacterium will keep you in the bathroom for a few days.

8.  Scratching the surface:  Washing a bacterial pellet does not require a
	knowledge of the martial arts and will not leave you with scar 

9.  I can see clearly now:  It is rare when you cannot see the TV screen
	because of a bacterium sleeping on top, dangling its legs.  If this 
	is a problem, it typically implies that you should spend a little 
	more on your next TV set.

10. Feeling a little flushed:  A bacterium is less likely to clog your
	toilet when it dies, causing a $500 plumbing bill.

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