Butterball Turkey Talk-Line

  Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had
  their share of memorable calls -- inquiries that stand out from
  the crowd because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some
  of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites; plus,
  we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the
  Talk-Line archives. It's hard to beat the call from a trucker who
  planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck
  ("Will it cook faster if I drive faster?"), but some of these come
  pretty close. Warning: do not attempt to adjust your screen --
  these are real incidents, true stories -- from the front lines!

* Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called
  the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line   While preparing the turkey, her
  chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity and couldn't get out.
  She tried pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked.
  She and the dog became more and more distraught. After calming the
  woman down, the Talk-Line home economist suggested carefully
  cutting the opening in the cavity of the turkey wider. It worked
  and Fido was freed!

* Birdie, eagle and turkey? Roasting a turkey doesn't have to
  interfere with the daily routine, so said a retired Floridian.
  He called "Turkey Central" for turkey grilling tips while
  waiting to tee off from the 14th hole.

* Taking turkey preparation an extra step, a Virginian wondered,
  "How do you thaw a fresh turkey?" The Talk-Line staffer explained
  that fresh turkeys aren't frozen and don't need to be thawed.

* Don't wait until the last minute! On Thanksgiving Day, a Georgian
  woman took the "Be prepared" motto to heart. She had just agreed
  to host Thanksgiving Dinner and called the Talk-Line a year ahead
  of time for turkey tips.

* Happy Thanksgiving, President Clinton! A Southern woman called
  to comment, "On Thanksgiving Day, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line
  is more important than the President. He can take the day off,
  but the Talk-Line staff can't." (The Butterball Turkey Talk-Line
  is open Thanksgiving Day, 6 a.m. to 6 p.m., Central Standard Time.)

* Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to
  find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer
  the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the
  bird weighed. The woman responded, "I don't know, it's still
  running around outside."

* Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn't
  Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California
  wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu.

* White meat, anyone? A West Coast woman took turkey preparation
  to extremes by scrubbing her bird with bleach. Afterward, she
  called the Talk-Line to find out how to clean off the bleach.
  To her dismay, she was advised to dispose of the turkey.

* A young girl called on behalf of her mother who needed roasting
  advice To provide approximate roasting  times, the home economist
  asked what size the turkey was. Without asking her mother the
  little girl paused, then replied, "Medium."

* A novice turkey-cooking chef wanted to know if the yellow netting
  and wrapper around the turkey should be removed before roasting.
  Envisioning a melted plastic turkey blob, the home economist
  responded, "Yes," then offered complete roasting directions.

      And one More....

* Then there's the time a lady was picking through the frozen
  turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough
  for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get
  any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."