Birth Order: Satire From a Youngest Child

My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own =
experience as parents and  we often satirically talk about how things
change as you have more children:

			Feeling the Baby Move

First Child: I placed my hand on my wives tummy every chance I could
	for two months waiting for that first time when I  could feel 
	the baby move. Hours upon hours I waited until that magic 
	moment when, I felt this little movement.  We called all of our 
	relatives to tell them about the blessed experience.

Second Child: When it first happened, my wife called me at the office.
 	I quickly ran home and felt the baby move. We  included the
	experience in all of our letters to our family.

Third Child: She told me the baby moved. I told her I would check it
	our during the next commercial break. I missed out because 
	her mother called on the telephone so I went on watching 
	Monday night football.  By the end of the third quarter, I 
	finally felt the baby move.

Fourth Child: We were in bed and I was trying to sleep. I turned to
	her and said "Can't you make your tummy stay still? I'm trying 
	to sleep." When it became clear that the baby would be 
	jumping around for a while, we called the pizza man for a 

			The Trip to the Hospital

First Child: Every time we felt the slightest B&H contraction, we
	rushed to the hospital. I would carry my wife to the car  
	and lay her down in the back seat surrounded by pillows.

Second Child: We timed the contractions. By the time she had three 
	in thirty minutes, we rushed to the hospital. She sat in the 
	front seat, with it leaned back and a pillow behind her head 
	and another at her feet.

Third Child: I came home from the office as soon as she started 
	having regular contractions. When they were five minutes 
	apart and hard, we went to the hospital. I gave her a pillow 
	to hold along the way.

Fourth Child: When she called me at the office and told me that she
	was having contractions hard and five minutes apart, I told 
	her to drive to the hospital.  I didn't want her bleeding on 
	the carpet.

			Pacifier Falls on Floor

First Child: Mother picks it up, runs to the kitchen and disinfects 
	it by boiling in water for ten minutes. Then, after it cools 
	down for ten minutes, she gives it back to the child.

Second Child: Mother picks it up, washes it off in hot water, blows 
	on it to cool it down, and gives it back to the child

Third Child: Mother picks it up, licks it off, and gives it back to
	the child.

Fourth child: Dog picks it up and licks it off. Mother gives it back
	to the child.

Back to Lori's Humor Page
Back to Lori's Home Page