Birth Order: Satire From a Youngest Child
My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own =
experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things
change as you have more children:
Feeling the Baby Move
First Child: I placed my hand on my wives tummy every chance I could
for two months waiting for that first time when I could feel
the baby move. Hours upon hours I waited until that magic
moment when, I felt this little movement. We called all of our
relatives to tell them about the blessed experience.
Second Child: When it first happened, my wife called me at the office.
I quickly ran home and felt the baby move. We included the
experience in all of our letters to our family.
Third Child: She told me the baby moved. I told her I would check it
our during the next commercial break. I missed out because
her mother called on the telephone so I went on watching
Monday night football. By the end of the third quarter, I
finally felt the baby move.
Fourth Child: We were in bed and I was trying to sleep. I turned to
her and said "Can't you make your tummy stay still? I'm trying
to sleep." When it became clear that the baby would be
jumping around for a while, we called the pizza man for a
The Trip to the Hospital
First Child: Every time we felt the slightest B&H contraction, we
rushed to the hospital. I would carry my wife to the car
and lay her down in the back seat surrounded by pillows.
Second Child: We timed the contractions. By the time she had three
in thirty minutes, we rushed to the hospital. She sat in the
front seat, with it leaned back and a pillow behind her head
and another at her feet.
Third Child: I came home from the office as soon as she started
having regular contractions. When they were five minutes
apart and hard, we went to the hospital. I gave her a pillow
to hold along the way.
Fourth Child: When she called me at the office and told me that she
was having contractions hard and five minutes apart, I told
her to drive to the hospital. I didn't want her bleeding on
Pacifier Falls on Floor
First Child: Mother picks it up, runs to the kitchen and disinfects
it by boiling in water for ten minutes. Then, after it cools
down for ten minutes, she gives it back to the child.
Second Child: Mother picks it up, washes it off in hot water, blows
on it to cool it down, and gives it back to the child
Third Child: Mother picks it up, licks it off, and gives it back to
Fourth child: Dog picks it up and licks it off. Mother gives it back
to the child.