In 1999 someone will figure out that the National Debt has gotten so
huge that no one can even pronounce the number. It will then be paid
off with a 3.9% CitiBank Card.
The Senate will discover that impeachment is supposed to be used to
punish the abuse of power, but no one will be able to impeach the House
A majority of the US Supreme Court will discover they have afflictions,
such as glaucoma, that could be helped with medicinal marijuana and weed
will be legalized. The economies of Columbia and Mexico will crash.
Prince Charles will see the movie Elizabeth and decide to renounce the
throne and marry Camilla. Queen Elizabeth will have numerous members of
the British tabloid press executed during the night.
An enormous hurricane will strike Miami Beach causing hundreds of
thousands of Cubans to flee to Cuba. Fidel Castro will move to Miami
where he'll feel more at home in ruins.
Dr. Kevorkian will be found guilty of murder and will be executed by
self-administered lethal injection.
Someone will start a betting pool on the Web on when Hillary will
divorce Bill. The winner will get $100 million.
Russia will finally figure out how to have an economy. They will buy
Space Station Mir will be abandoned, officially, after Boris Yeltsin is
sent to the station for a visit.
The US will bomb Iraq again, to no particular effect.
Israel and the PLO will sign their 1,000th peace treaty. A few minutes
after the signing, war will again resume.
Some completely unknown country will be invaded by another formerly
unknown country, and the United Nations will spend months debating who
should be in charge of US troops requested to stop the invasion.
NATO will prove its utter worthlessness by finally approving the use of
force against Solobodan Milosevich, after every ethnic minority in the
former Yugoslavia is dead.
A Yeti will be captured and displayed at the San Diego Zoo. Oddly enough,
the Yeti will look a lot like Newt Gingrich.
Baja Arizona will not become America's 51st state. (See following message)
The Pentagon will announce that "Small Soldiers" are real, and use the
mini-robots to attack Luxembourg.
Several hundred Indian reservations will apply for statehood. No one
will know what to do with the request.
After spending hundreds of billions to fix the Y2K problem, it will be
discovered the whole thing was a prank.
Microsoft will be found guilty of anti-trust violations. But there won't
be anyone left to compete against them.
HP will announce a hand-held computer so small no one can read what is
on the tiny screen.
An earthquake will level most of Los Angeles. No one will notice.
Not a single female child born in 1999 will be named Monica.