1999 Predictions


	In 1999 someone will figure out that the National Debt has gotten so 
	huge that no one can even pronounce the number. It will then be paid 
	off with a 3.9% CitiBank Card. 

	The Senate will discover that impeachment is supposed to be used to 
	punish the abuse of power, but no one will be able to impeach the House 
	of Representatives. 

	A majority of the US Supreme Court will discover they have afflictions, 
	such as glaucoma, that could be helped with medicinal marijuana and weed 
	will be legalized. The economies of Columbia and Mexico will crash. 
	
	Prince Charles will see the movie Elizabeth and decide to renounce the 
	throne and marry Camilla. Queen Elizabeth will have numerous members of 
	the British tabloid press executed during the night. 

	An enormous hurricane will strike Miami Beach causing hundreds of 
	thousands of Cubans to flee to Cuba. Fidel Castro will move to Miami 
	where he'll feel more at home in ruins. 
	
	Dr. Kevorkian will be found guilty of murder and will be executed by 
	self-administered lethal injection. 
	
	Someone will start a betting pool on the Web on when Hillary will 
	divorce Bill. The winner will get $100 million. 
	
	Russia will finally figure out how to have an economy. They will buy 
	Microsoft. 
	
	Space Station Mir will be abandoned, officially, after Boris Yeltsin is 
	sent to the station for a visit. 
	
	The US will bomb Iraq again, to no particular effect. 
	
	Israel and the PLO will sign their 1,000th peace treaty. A few minutes 
	after the signing, war will again resume. 
	
	Some completely unknown country will be invaded by another formerly 
	unknown country, and the United Nations will spend months debating who 
	should be in charge of US troops requested to stop the invasion. 
	
	NATO will prove its utter worthlessness by finally approving the use of 
	force against Solobodan Milosevich, after every ethnic minority in the 
	former Yugoslavia is dead. 
	
	A Yeti will be captured and displayed at the San Diego Zoo.  Oddly enough,
	the Yeti will look a lot like Newt Gingrich. 
	
	Baja Arizona will not become America's 51st state.  (See following message)
	
	The Pentagon will announce that "Small Soldiers" are real, and use the 
	mini-robots to attack Luxembourg. 
	
	Several hundred Indian reservations will apply for statehood.  No one 
	will know what to do with the request. 
	
	After spending hundreds of billions to fix the Y2K problem, it will be 
	discovered the whole thing was a prank. 
	
	Microsoft will be found guilty of anti-trust violations.  But there won't 
	be anyone left to compete against them. 

	HP will announce a hand-held computer so small no one can read what is 
	on the tiny screen. 

	An earthquake will level most of Los Angeles.  No one will notice. 
	
	Not a single female child born in 1999 will be named Monica. 
	  
	






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