New Year's Resolutions for 1998



New Year's Resolution #1
  Try to avoid transmission of inter-species diseases

New Year's Resolution #2
  Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet
  (especially when they are less than 1000 feet above the ground)

New Year's Resolution #3
  Stay off the Mir space station

New Year's Resolution #4
  Don't eat cloned meat

New Year's Resolution #5
  Try not to have seven children at once

New Year's Resolution #6
  Avoid drunk limo drivers on anti-depressants

New Year's Resolution #7
  Don't give real name when making campaign bribes

New Year's Resolution #8
  Don't take a car all the way to Mars without remembering the spare battery.

New Year's Resolution #9
  Don't get so drunk that you think cutting your penis off and blaming it
  on your girlfriend is a really neat idea.

New Year's Resolution #10
  No more spaceship rides behind comets, even if the lemonade is free.








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