The Top 15 Signs You're Not Ready for Summer
15 Still trying to untangle the Christmas lights from the
14 The pool boy shows up with a backhoe.
13 Putting on last year's bathing suit requires Vaseline and a
12 Used all your bikini wax to polish your hardwood floors
during the winter.
11 It's springtime and you're still planting gloves.
10 Your new batch of ads featuring a pierced Joe Camel on a
surfboard are three weeks behind schedule.
9 Your belly has more rolls than Sara Lee, and besides, you're
still hungover from spring break.
8 You refuse to visit any beach not personally guarded by David
7 You're so white, even the Boston Celtics refuse you.
6 Vacation plans include a ValueJet flight to a Club Med Zaire.
5 Recent guilty verdict on all 11 counts means you can kiss that
Summer Patriot Training Camp trip goodbye.
4 Without flood relief from slow-ass Congress, you're still
*living* in your bass boat.
3 Despite therapy, you're still not prepared for the coming
endless airplay of "Kokomo."
2 The sun's reflection off your phosphorescent white skin actually
damaged one of Mir's solar panels.
1 Still confusing the George Clooney Batman with the Val Kilmer