The Top 15 Signs You're Not Ready for Summer
15 Still trying to untangle the Christmas lights from the
Weedwhacker.
14 The pool boy shows up with a backhoe.
13 Putting on last year's bathing suit requires Vaseline and a
shoe horn.
12 Used all your bikini wax to polish your hardwood floors
during the winter.
11 It's springtime and you're still planting gloves.
10 Your new batch of ads featuring a pierced Joe Camel on a
surfboard are three weeks behind schedule.
9 Your belly has more rolls than Sara Lee, and besides, you're
still hungover from spring break.
8 You refuse to visit any beach not personally guarded by David
Hasselhoff.
7 You're so white, even the Boston Celtics refuse you.
6 Vacation plans include a ValueJet flight to a Club Med Zaire.
5 Recent guilty verdict on all 11 counts means you can kiss that
Summer Patriot Training Camp trip goodbye.
4 Without flood relief from slow-ass Congress, you're still
*living* in your bass boat.
3 Despite therapy, you're still not prepared for the coming
endless airplay of "Kokomo."
2 The sun's reflection off your phosphorescent white skin actually
damaged one of Mir's solar panels.
1 Still confusing the George Clooney Batman with the Val Kilmer
Batman.