The Top 15 Signs You're Not Ready for Summer

	15 	Still trying to untangle the Christmas lights from the

	14 	The pool boy shows up with a backhoe.

	13 	Putting on last year's bathing suit requires Vaseline and a 
		shoe horn.

	12 	Used all your bikini wax to polish your hardwood floors 
		during the winter.

	11 	It's springtime and you're still planting gloves.

	10 	Your new batch of ads featuring a pierced Joe Camel on a 
		surfboard are three weeks behind schedule.

	9 	Your belly has more rolls than Sara Lee, and besides, you're 
		still hungover from spring break.

	8 	You refuse to visit any beach not personally guarded by David 

	7 	You're so white, even the Boston Celtics refuse you.

	6 	Vacation plans include a ValueJet flight to a Club Med Zaire.

	5 	Recent guilty verdict on all 11 counts means you can kiss that 
		Summer Patriot Training Camp trip goodbye.

	4 	Without flood relief from slow-ass Congress, you're still 
		*living* in your bass boat.

	3 	Despite therapy, you're still not prepared for the coming 
		endless airplay of "Kokomo."

	2 	The sun's reflection off your phosphorescent white skin actually
		damaged one of Mir's solar panels.

	1 	Still confusing the George Clooney Batman with the Val Kilmer

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